Catching up about my third pregnancy

Q&A about this pregnancy so far!

1. Was this a planned pregnancy/ What prompted #3? I always have you in my mind saying how easy two was getting!

I am one of five kids, my husband is one of six, and I think we always assumed we would also want to have a large family. So, after the first, it was a no-brainer to jump right into having the second. They are 22 months apart, the same gap that I have with my sister.

What surprised me was how much of an adjustment I found it to be going from one to two. Adjusting to the first baby was a breeze – I remember feeling like I was such a natural mother and everything came so easily to me! But after bringing home the second, I found myself quite overwhelmed suddenly juggling both a very active toddler and an infant at the same time whose demeanor in those first few months was much more demanding than my first had been as a newborn. Between adjusting to two kids, being homeowners for the first time, and me trying to ramp up my social media career, I didn’t feel like I had capacity to even think about having another baby for quite a long time.

But recently, we found things started getting easier and easier. They are now both quite independent, attend school each day, and traveling with them has become a breeze. In the back of my mind I always knew I wanted another, I just didn’t feel the need to rush it and knew it would feel right when it felt right, and I wasn’t going to stress about the timing. We’ve also had some difficult experiences like my mother-in-law’s journey with terminal pancreatic cancer throughout last year and her passing in July.

It really wasn’t until quite recently that we felt ready. We made the decision in late summer that we were ready to go for it, and have been so excited ever since! It just feels right and I think the larger age gap (just over four years) will be a wonderful new experience. Our kids are old enough to understand what’s happening and are eagerly anticipating the new baby’s arrival! It will also give me the time and space to enjoy the newborn bubble while my older two are occupied with school or summer activities.

2. 1st tri: how do you power through? What helps?

It was certainly rougher than I remembered it being from previous times. From a lot of moms I’ve talked to it seems like the morning sickness gets worse with each one! I allowed myself to take a big step back from showing up on social media and accepting partnerships, Andrew took over even more responsibility with the kids than he normally does (he also works from home and is super involved with kids’ dropoff/pickup, cooking pretty much all of our meals and doing the bedtime routine) but he really allowed me to rest as much as possible and not worry about everything else. The nausea was the worst over the holidays so it was nice being with family and having lots of extra hands to help with the kids.

This time I also have been taking a prescription version of Unisom/B6 (Diclegis) which my sister recommended and I think it definitely helps take the edge off with nausea, though it does not completely solve the problem!

3. What’s your birth plan given how the last two births went?

If you’ve been following for a while you know that my last two births were c-sections, the first was because my baby flipped into breech very late in the pregnancy (discovered at 38 weeks). For the second one I attempted a VBAC which unfortunately ended in an emergency c-section which was quite scary and traumatic. I’m looking forward to a scheduled, peaceful c-section this time around. No surprises is all I’m hoping for!

4. Thoughts on approaching a 3rd c section! (I’ll be in the same boat)

I’m taking all the tips I can get on how to make a c-section as pleasant as possible, so please chime in if you had a good experience and have some recommendations to share. A few things I’m considering for this birth to help make it feel a little more personal and special:

• Bringing along a playlist for the music playing during the surgery

• Requesting skin to skin time immediately after baby is born

• A “belly block” is something my doctor is offering and that I’ve heard from friends made an amazing difference for pain management for the first few days post-op

• I was happy to see that Frida now has a c-section recovery kit and look forward to ordering that!

Overall, I am hoping for this to be a “healing” experience in some ways. I was left with feelings of shock and disappointment following both of my births after things went very differently than imagined. This time it feels like I’m able to reclaim the narrative and make my c-section experience my own, one that I’ve planned for, and to embrace the beauty in it.

5. What was your breastfeeding journey like?

When it comes to pregnancy/birth/postpartum, I really have found everyone is dealt a different set of cards, i.e. a different mix of things that are challenging versus things that go easily. My births were complicated, but breastfeeding worked out really well and went very smoothly for me. I nursed Peter for just over a year and Kit for about 18 months. I think I will stop at one year this time assuming all goes smoothly once again.

6. Have you had any pregnancy losses? How do you navigate it going forward? I’m struggling

I’ve been fortunate to have not experienced this in my life thus far, though I have had very close family members and friends who have gone through pregnancy loss, and have seen in their experiences how absolutely devastating it is. Being so close to loved ones who have gone through this recently has definitely left me with some feelings of guilt as to why my pregnancy has been healthy when others have suffered loss. I feel so deeply for you and hope you know that it is not your fault; you are just as deserving of a healthy pregnancy as anyone else, and I am so hopeful that this will be in your very near future.

7. What type of food do you eat to stay on top?

The pregnancy hunger and cravings are so real; it can be really hard for me to make healthy decisions during pregnancy. Of course I try to focus on nutritious foods and make sure I am nourishing myself and the baby, but I am not aiming to restrict myself by any means. Which leads me to my response to the next question–

8. How do you feel beautiful during pregnancy? I struggled so much with my changing bod!

I gained 50 to 60 lbs in each of my previous pregnancies. And honestly, I’ve come to accept that this is part of the journey for me and am extremely lucky in the fact that all of this weight (and more) has historically melted away in the following months from breastfeeding. I know this is not the case for everyone, but this is the silver lining to the above average weight gain that comes along with pregnancy for me. It can be really hard to feel cute through all of these changes, and I certainly did not feel beautiful during these past few months when I felt awful. I barely got dressed or did my makeup for weeeeks! However, once I’m feeling better, even as I’m getting bigger, I try my best to embrace every step of the journey and find clothes that make me feel pretty, focusing on hair and makeup that brings out that mythical “glow.”

9. Baby names you love but won’t be using

I know this is such a popular question, but in all honesty, I had two baby names on my list: Peter and Kit. When we found out we were having a girl this time, I immediately knew we’d call her by a family name that is dear to our hearts. So, I can’t say I have a long list of names I “didn’t use” to share, but I certainly gravitate toward classic, traditional names, but ones that perhaps are not trending at the moment.

10. Do you work out when pregnant?

I have not been consistent in the past, but have started the Soto prenatal program and love it! I am a big fan of Hilary Hoffman and so inspired by her commitment to working out while pregnant with twins (!!) I loved her videos before pregnancy, so I love that she has a designated prenatal series and am doing my best to setting some time aside a few times a week to move my body now that I am feeling better.

11. Do you have any tips for overcoming the fear of childbirth? I’m scared

Whenever I talk to friends of mine who are pregnant with their first babies, I tell them I’m the wrong person to talk to about birth experiences! While mine did not go the way many would idealize (I don’t think many women are going into their first birth hoping for an emergency cesarean), I don’t want anyone to think what happened to me is a high probability for them. Amongst my entire friend group from college, everyone has had a very smooth and positive birth experience. So, my intention is never to scare anyone, but I am always open to talk about my experiences and have bonded with other women who have had similar ones.

There can be real grief and trauma that stems from childbirth, even when the outcome is a “healthy mom and healthy baby.” My biggest piece of advice is that while learning and preparing as much as you can and having an idea of your preferences is extremely valuable and important, please give yourself some grace and some flexibility, as there is no way any one of us could prepare for every possible outcome – there will likely be some curveballs or bumps in the road, and when things don’t go exactly as hoped, it’s so important to know that your birth is just as worthy and sacred as anyone else’s.

12. How to dress cute when you feel terrible

Cashmere sweats. And when you’re ready to get dressed properly, stretchy jeans (I’ve been loving these by Frame) + loose blouses (love this one from Ann Mashburn), knit dresses with a cute belt! I will certainly delve more into maternity style as the months go on!